I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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