I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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