THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
