if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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