so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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