We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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