Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
