is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
