I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
