she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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