cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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