recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
