So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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