Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
