...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
