my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
