Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
