i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
