Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
