I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
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You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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