No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
