Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
