i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
