I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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