i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
