don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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