I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
FUCK WHALES
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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