i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
