I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
