Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
