She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
BRING THE BAGELS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
