Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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