Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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