Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
