I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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