so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
