I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
