i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
