i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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