Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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