you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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