he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
