god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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