Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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