I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
