We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
