I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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