So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
