So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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