I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
