You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The struggles of a small town man whore
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
