reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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