we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
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According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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