Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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