Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
