It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
