My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
