Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
