k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
