Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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