Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
