just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
