I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize