just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
