three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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