If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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