my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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