I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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