just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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