I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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