how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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