So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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