The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.