What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.