Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
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So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.