So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
