Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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