There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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