Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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