the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
