well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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