So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
