i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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