If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
