I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
