Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
