I look better un-naked...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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