so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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