and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
