it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
we're so committed to being not committed
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
