I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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