well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I am available for nakedness
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize