k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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