She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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